I was able to get out of work at noon yesterday, which was pretty nice. Had a long and fantastic time talking with a good friend of mind,ok so it was more like texting considering the huge distance between us.
Found out about a poetry slam happening at that cafe I performed in. Thinking about writing something for it, not sure what though. Spoken word intimidates me, it’s just imagery right?
I don’t feel right today, couldn’t get “into” church, felt super uncomfortable. I’m not sure if I’m wearing my coat for the warmth and comfort it brings, or for the feeling of armour it provides. Either way I’m don’t have the energy for cold or conflict.
Performing my poem at a local cafe’s open mike night. Excited and kinda nervous.
I really haven’t done much today, I’ll admit it feels like I haven’t done much in weeks. Had a conversation with my dad last night while I cut wood, just shed some light on what I was feeling and how I was scared with how I might not have the money for culinary school let alone be ready to actually go considering this depression/anxiety has reduced me to quite the frail and reclusive person. I went upstairs once I was finished with the wood and was out cold by 11pm (early for me) I guess that carried over to today. I woke up at 1pm and just laid in bed for awhile, got up and went downstairs for a bit, realized I was really overwhelmed already and went back upstairs to my nest. Ugh so done with people.
Been working a lot on my spoken word piece, it’s really taking shape if not a tad slowly. I hope to perform it at a local cafe’s open mike night this thursday, we’ll see what happens. (Fingers crossed!!!) Outside of all the crap today has carried, I’ve really enjoyed not having to do much today, I guess my body has really needed a day not to care about anything, (This would have been my 10th day working without a day off.)
So yeah things are changing for me here, trying to get less hours at the second job. Get less stressed and anxious about everyday life, try and recover a bit before going off and doing all these crazy things I want(?) to do.
Been away for a while, writing a spoken word piece. More when I have a keyboard in front of me.
I’ve realized how much I feed the wolves, those thoughts of defeat and frustration. Those thoughts of doubt and unnerving certainty that you’re screwing up. I see know (ah hindsight) that fed things grow bigger, fed things come back.