Hey so I’ve been gone for awhile, but I’m back now.
Life has been actually pretty good, been on my meds for almost 2 months(?) Feeling SO much better, feeling alive again, pretty sweet stuff.
Been writing a lot more poetry, oh and I did that poetry slam, wrote threee pieces for it and came out in secon place, but as the host reminded us so many times, “the point isn’t the point, the point is the poetry”. It’s been really therapeutic. It’s not often i get a microphone and an audience for my thoughts, but oh is it nice.
Got a new piercing, a septum ring. drove up solo today and got it done. It hurt, but not really as bad as I thought. You would not believe the things i went through to get it done today, So! Yesterday I tried to get it done, but first my co-pilot couldn’t come, so i invited someone else, THEN I had to find a car to use, solved with a call to my dad, THEN I wake up to my mom telling me she didn’t want me to go due to icy roads. five minutes later and I have permission. THEN I call the piercing place (foresight for the win!) and was promptly told that THE ONLY PIERCING PERSON ON THE PENINSULA has family problems today and will not be in. Lame right? But it worked out today.
Got to talk to a very good friend of min last night, that was pretty cool. She actually reads this blog so I’ll keep it short. Talking to her is great and I love it. The end.
In other news I’m applying to college monday. Scary stuff man, scary stuff.
I was able to get out of work at noon yesterday, which was pretty nice. Had a long and fantastic time talking with a good friend of mind,ok so it was more like texting considering the huge distance between us.
Found out about a poetry slam happening at that cafe I performed in. Thinking about writing something for it, not sure what though. Spoken word intimidates me, it’s just imagery right?
I don’t feel right today, couldn’t get “into” church, felt super uncomfortable. I’m not sure if I’m wearing my coat for the warmth and comfort it brings, or for the feeling of armour it provides. Either way I’m don’t have the energy for cold or conflict.
Performing my poem at a local cafe’s open mike night. Excited and kinda nervous.
I really haven’t done much today, I’ll admit it feels like I haven’t done much in weeks. Had a conversation with my dad last night while I cut wood, just shed some light on what I was feeling and how I was scared with how I might not have the money for culinary school let alone be ready to actually go considering this depression/anxiety has reduced me to quite the frail and reclusive person. I went upstairs once I was finished with the wood and was out cold by 11pm (early for me) I guess that carried over to today. I woke up at 1pm and just laid in bed for awhile, got up and went downstairs for a bit, realized I was really overwhelmed already and went back upstairs to my nest. Ugh so done with people.
Been working a lot on my spoken word piece, it’s really taking shape if not a tad slowly. I hope to perform it at a local cafe’s open mike night this thursday, we’ll see what happens. (Fingers crossed!!!) Outside of all the crap today has carried, I’ve really enjoyed not having to do much today, I guess my body has really needed a day not to care about anything, (This would have been my 10th day working without a day off.)
So yeah things are changing for me here, trying to get less hours at the second job. Get less stressed and anxious about everyday life, try and recover a bit before going off and doing all these crazy things I want(?) to do.
Been away for a while, writing a spoken word piece. More when I have a keyboard in front of me.
I’ve realized how much I feed the wolves, those thoughts of defeat and frustration. Those thoughts of doubt and unnerving certainty that you’re screwing up. I see know (ah hindsight) that fed things grow bigger, fed things come back.